I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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