I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize