If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
