What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
