i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
