I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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