i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
