atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
