this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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