tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
