At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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