atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
