i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
