return my video game
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
