Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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