i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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