I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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