So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
