i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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