So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
