I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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