SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Acid is not a monday night drug
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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