he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
