I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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