i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
