No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
