yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
