the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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