at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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