Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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