are you still at the devil's house?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
