Soap is not a condiment
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
