i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
