the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize