she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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