Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
