when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
