she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
