come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
