the condom got lost in my hair
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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