Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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