Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
