I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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