i need an iv and a liver transplant
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
