my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
