So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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