I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
