im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
