How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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