Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
