just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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