That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
