you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
