she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
