I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
