Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
