i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
